World view

 

God Up Above, Hide all this hatred till you fill us up with Love - Dave Matthews Band lyric

God Up Above, Hide all this hatred till you fill us up with Love - Dave Matthews Band lyric

My greatest desire currently is to grow deeper into the heart of empathy and compassion. To do this I have had to dissect my world-view, the frames with which I think and view the world and other human beings. I have had to become more aware of my sticking points, my own capacity for bigotry against those who think differently than me. To do this I have to be really honest with myself about those I have hurt, and I have to honestly forgive those who have hurt me. I have to seek reconciliation on both fronts. I think I am getting better … but jeez is this a long process! My sticking point it seems are those who I perceive as not being empathetic to other beings such as the poor, the suffering, the disenfranchised, the fragile eco-systems of the earth – the list could go on for quite a while. And yet to have a truly compassionate heart I must find ways of having compassion for these less than empathetic folks too, without letting go of the search for justice. I believe justice is not just for me, not just for you, but for everyone – and by justice I don’t mean punitive justice, but reconciling justice – the kind that makes each being into the fulness of who they or it can be. Many have said we are all interconnected and until all are fully the beings they are meant to be I cannot be who I am meant to be, you cannot be who you are meant to be. I believe this to be true.

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Silence

 

 

Modern Icon

Modern Icon

I was reading in the library today- silence – or about as close as I ever get to it. Only ambient sounds, the air conditioner switching on, a fly buzzing in and out of the shafts of sunlight at the window. An elevator ding from downstairs. Incessant motion in my head – the words on the page talking persistantly. Far more silent was the scene outside the window of people moving about, trees swaying in the breeze, cars driving by – none of which I could hear, blocked by the glass and the lawn. Perhaps that scene was one concept of “visual” silence,  but is it really silence, if you can imagine the sounds, even when you can’t hear them? Where is there silence in my artwork or is it always shouting?

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Wonder

 

 

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child

Matt and I just spent an evening at some friends’ house watching a football game. It was a good time away and well needed break from paper-writing and exegete -ing. One of the couples there had a ten month old baby girl. She was very cute, crawling and exploring everywhere, every normal thing she encountered was new and exciting. Ah, to have just a small percentage of this wonder in the face of even extraordinary things, let alone the normal trappings of someone’s home! It’s become a cliché, right?  The wonder of children. And yet, maybe it shouldn’t be, maybe it’s a good reminder. Oh well – back to exegete-ing! Cheers! 

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Hunting for Balance; Finding Grace

 

 

Breath, Voice, Fire

Breath, Voice, Fire - A sketch for an aspect of a large installation I am working on for a commission

As usual the distracting issue in my creative practice this week has been finding balance. Balance between my personal life, graduate work, and artwork. Balance between “eating all the things on my plate” and still enjoying the meal. Balance in enjoying the moment and not worrying about the future. That’s a big one for me. It is in many ways a struggle with my own expectations and fear of failure or not measuring up to those expectations. The amazing thing is that as I struggle to balance all of these spheres of my life, I find nothing but affirmation and encouragment from other individuals. They expect me to do only that which I am called to do, that which will fill me up, that which I am passionate about – and I have been given numerous resources to help me along this journey in many of these individuals. Everywhere I look there is someone offering me the space, the grace, to live fully into who I am – a glimmer of who I am meant to be. And yet grace is so hard to accept – why? Is it because some part of me might one day like to proclaim “I did this all on my own – I am beholden to no one”? Is it because some people have offered me a false grace in the past – a grace that was really not free – that I had to pay back later? As a human being - a creature defined by the reality of simply existing, simply being, here’s how I’d like to be:

  • I want to find fullness in the daily work I do.
  • I want to find joy in every task, and approach every task with patience and good will.
  • I want to be in tune to how each part of my life influences every other part and cannot be separated out from my witness or my story.
  • I want to be more excited than afraid of new challenges.
  • I want to dole out love along the journey, even and maybe especially, when it’s difficult.
  • I want to be free from worry about the future because I am absorbed in the beauty of the present.
  • I want to accept grace with both arms and my whole heart, and really trust it is real. 

And there are other things, but this list is long enough for now.

These things are also what I wish for others in my life. To my husband-my partner-my lover, to my family, my friends, the stranger on the street; to the person who has no one to extend them the hand and heart of grace. This is my prayer today, oh, father-mother-God, enfold us all in your grace, this is my prayer to you!

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Silk Painting and Artist’s Statement, 2007

Blessed to be a Blessing Silk Painting -9' x 8'

An example of my work (measuring 9′ x8′), and thought process from 2007, for those visitors who might not personally know me – Shalom!

Artist Statement : Blessed to be a Blessing Silk Painting

 

When Bruce Robbins and Sally Johnson asked the church ministry staff at their weekly meeting to think of the times they had most felt welcomed by another person, and what that person had done that made them feel welcomed, the consensus response (as any good Methodist might agree!) was abundant food. Right away it was clear that the perfect subject for the Blessed to be a Blessing banner was a banquet table heaped with food. Immediately I thought of a painting I had studied in an Art History course long ago, which became my original inspiration, Jan de Heem’s Baroque still life, Still Life with Parrots. De Heem worked in both Flanders and Holland during the 15th century after Holland had converted to Calvinism, while Flanders still by and large practiced Catholicism. While the relationship between the two traditions was not exactly ecumenical, it produced an interesting effect on the work produced by artists of the time and area, particularly regarding still lifes, which became a medium for moral instruction, rather than a beautiful visual study. Many of these still lifes including de Heem’s, address the concept of Vanitas, the vanity of all earthly things. They combine the symbolism of everyday objects as developed during the Catholic church of the Medieval age with the particular moralism of Calvinist theology at the time to speak to the “brevity of life, the inevitability of death, and the passing of all earthly pleasures.” Cheerful right? I decided that while de Heem’s still life represented an idea or viewpoint of an earthly banquet I wanted mine to represent a heavenly banquet.  A banquet provided to us and to everyone by the host of hosts, an invitation not to the inevitability of death, but rather to the inevitability of life.

But what would a heavenly banquet look like? In some ways for me this goes back to the title of our theme over the next few months – we are blessed to be a blessing. Since we have been guests of the host of hosts we must now be host to others.  And this type of hosting is less about passing along a moral lesson than it is providing a free gift. As a result this type of hosting can be pretty humbling for not only the host, but the guest also. It’s this type of hosting that is of heaven, that is life giving, that resembles our creator.

The heavenly banquet portrayed in this banner reflects Christ’s declaration that the kingdom has come, the banquet has already started (notice the peeled orange) and so it reflects our current reality, as well as the abundance of life beyond our current reality. In a technical sense, to reflect this marriage of reality and heavenly abstraction I have visually exaggerated vibrancy of color, form, line and proportion. This banquet like de Heem’s of almost 400 years ago is also rich is visual symbols, but it’s symbols are a merging of not only beautiful delicacies (such as oysters, citrus fruits and melons) but of the foods here on earth that provide nutritional and/or sustenance to the largest populations of the world. One example of this is the platter of ugali to the left of the golden urn. Ugali is the Kenyan name for a corn meal product similar to grits or polenta that is a relatively flavorless staple food in most parts of Africa. In each part of Africa ugali has a different name but it remains a beautiful food in that it is inexpensive, relatively easy to grow during droughts, easy to mill and dry, and keeps well without refrigeration.  Other staple foods in the banner include potatoes (in this instance mashed), rice, and bread. Some foods were included for their nutritional value such as bananas, carrots, squash, eggplants and grapes. Some foods represent ethnic diversity and come from different parts of the world such as figs, olives and coconuts. Some also have a classical symbolism (while also being nutritional or diverse) such as the pomegranate which typically represents purity or honey which represents sweetness. The flowers also have classical symbolism, the Azalea represents abundance, the white Tulip represents forgiveness, the Stars of Bethlehem represent hope, the Apple Blossoms represent promise, and the Lily represents resurrection.  Finally some foods are included because, similar to ugali, of what they represent in and of themselves. There are two main examples of this, the first, the bowl of South American stew (above the watermelon) is considered by many who work with poverty and the hungry on that continent to be a “golden triangle” food. This means this meal while only made of three ingredients, squash, tomatoes and beans, is a complete source of nutrition that is affordable to the poor. The second example is the watermelon, which is originally thought to have grown wild in the Kalahari Desert, and was a major source of water to the indigenous people of that area. Of course at any banquet there must be beverages to wash down all that food! And here we have the wine of community in Christ, and pure water, something that the World Health Organization estimates is still unavailable to close to 1 billion people worldwide.   

A banquet in heaven must be a banquet of all nations, all cultures, all ethnicities, and all orientations. A banquet in heaven would be for the rich and for the poor, for those on the fringes of society as well as those who fashion society. For the faithful and the doubtful. Most of all a heavenly banquet, a meal prepared by the hosts of hosts, would be a meal of reconciliation and sibling-hood. The suffering and the forgotten would be joyfully served by their oppressors. This means I would be given the wonderful opportunity to serve those whom I have oppressed, mistreated, and wounded in my own human journey. And I would be served by those who knowingly or unknowingly had done the same to me. Yes, a heavenly banquet would be a meal of reconciliation, a freeing opportunity to truly be forgiven and to truly forgive.

* The item in quotes is taken from the following resource:

Janson, H.W. and Anthony F. Janson. History of Art. Revised Fifth Edition. New York:Harry N. Abrams, Inc., 1997.

 

 

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Launch

 

Modern Icon - God's Response to Love (An example of my shifting style)

Study: Modern Icon - God of Love

Well, now that I am writing this post, it’s odd. I am starting this blog – with a big learning curve. This post may be listed as being from May, but actually today is Sept. 7, 2008 – it has just taken me this long to get around to posting/designing/widgeting. And that whole process continues! 

As a recovering haphazard journal-writer, I am trying to commit to visiting this little thought-space daily to document and explore the peaks, valleys and winding trails of my creative journey. There are many reasons for doing this: 1) I want to see where I am going in my artwork and where I have been, 2) I want to take a meditative moment each day to be present to how the mystery of God is dancing in and around me, and 3) I want to fine tune my daily awareness of that of God that is in me, and in you, and in everyone, and in all creation – the Imago Dei – or in this instance the Imago Day!

This third objective has also become the focus of much of my artwork, which centers around themes of justice and transcendence of the oppressed and suffering.

Some days in my practice as an artist, I feel this awareness of Imago Dei growing in me and taking me over – until I am consumed by the creative act itself. Until the artwork itself becomes a sort of incarnation. And then other days I feel exhausted by all of the physical effort and thinking. The power of ideas – and even how they manifest or settle in the body – can be tough on life-balance.

Not surprisingly, during all of this creative turmoil, my artistic style has started to shift. This shift is exciting and new but also terrifying, because I have to dig so deep into myself, and let go of many of my masks, my walls, my securities. I have to let go of wondering what my family, friends, professors, and even strangers will think of what I am creating. I have to reach out to and embrace emotions that are sometimes not visually pretty or proportional or comfortable. Most of all I have to let go of my own self doubts, my own awareness of my limitations and flaws, if I ever want the artwork to be perhaps what I may never be able to fully embrace or personify – the imago dei – the essence of love, and truth and beauty.

Creating for me is like living – and in fact that is what I think life really is about, the struggling to create some-thing (whether art, family, community, or concepts) in the face of destruction. I can’t not create. My creating is modeled in that divine spark within me – I create because I was created. I am a reflection in some way of someone Divine, my art is a reflection of me. And in like form I see myself reflected when I look into the eyes of the other. True creation, I think – like living, like being in relationship, like loving – is both exciting and terrifying because to create something true one must expose the true self. Exposure is always freeing and terrifying at the same time. 

As I am committing to this journaling, I can’t promise you that these postings will be very enlightening (or even very interesting!). Oh, you poor souls that come across my rambling! But I promise to be honest and vulnerable as to where this journey is taking me.  

Best wishes and safe passage in your journey until we meet again!

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